If you’re a parent with little ones, you are in one of two main boats:

• You LOVE the holidays, giving gifts, watching your children’s eyes pop as they open them, and basically just enjoy the whole process. Or…

• You’re already dreading the next seven weeks for one or more reasons: there’s not enough money to live on, let alone buy presents; you don’t want to go deeper into debt just to buy presents; or maybe you just don’t get the whole ‘let’s buy the kids stuff because we’re supposed to’ thing at all.

Regardless of how you feel about the holidays in general, it’s the financial part that can cause stress, overwhelm, headaches, depression, and worse. Not fun stuff when you think about jolly old St. Nick with his bundle of toys and bags of candy flying around the world to deliver this stuff to good girls and boys. Can be a little conflicting, don’t you think?

(Note: The GOOD and BAD children aspect of this fairy tale has always turned my stomach. There’s just something wrong with “be good and you’ll get presents” or ”

be bad and you won’t get presents.” Ug.)

For those of you in the first boat, I love that you love the holidays and am thrilled that you’ve figured out how to make it a pleasant experience for you and yours.

For those of you in the second boat, the following suggestions are for you ~ meant to give you some relief this time around.

First, you must be willing to take a stand right now. Vow with yourself to do things differently this year…and then follow through with that vow.

Next, spend some time thinking about how you can engage your children (and spouse if you need to) in activities that involve the entire family ‘doing good’ for others.

Third, take a good look at your bank account. I have always felt that honesty, and numbers in black and white on paper, are the best policy. If buying presents is a financial hardship, and the stress that it causes makes you grumpy, angry, depressed or just isn’t fun for you, then sit down with your children and explain. Be honest. Let them know why it does what it does to you and find a way to make it work for all of you.

Too often parents don’t want to involve their children in reality but, quite frankly, that’s the ONLY way they learn about it! What are you trying to protect them from? None of us truly exist in a fairy tale life; there are bills and responsibilities, and hours to be worked, and stuff to be done. Adding the pressure of the holidays to your already hectic schedule may just end up being the straw that breaks the camel’s back, as they say.

What if, instead, you take the time you’d normally spend rushing around buying presents and used it to make home made cookies instead? What if you challenged the entire family to come up with ways to give things they already own but don’t use (that are still in good shape of course) to others who really need them? What if you rented fun movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed each other’s company instead of forcing the holiday to be something you’re just trying to ‘get through’?

I know I don’t have the answer for you. But I do have my experience to share. Something for you to push up against. See if it helps you become more clear about what will work FOR YOU.

More than 10 years ago, I gave up Christmas. Just stopped. No presents, no cards, no tree, no decorating, no special foods around the house, no parties. None of what traditional people define as ‘the holidays.’

What I got was the greatest gift I’ve ever experienced.

I got time with friends that was honest, enjoyable, relaxing.

I got time with my family where none of us felt pressured to buy anything. What a gift THAT was.

I got time to sit back and relax while the rest of the world spun around me doing the holidays (and telling me they secretly envied my decision and wished they could do the same thing).

Funny thing is that anyone can choose to change anything in their lives in a single heartbeat. You just stop, think and choose something else. Oh, and then there’s the action part. Many people choose but then don’t have what it takes to act on the choice. I call that ‘wishing’, not choosing…it’s just mislabeled.

For what it’s worth, this has been my experience. If you love the holidays, enjoy them to the fullest. If you don’t love them, change them.

Just something to think about…