I wrote this letter in response to a gentleman’s Letter to the Editor in the Santa Barbara Newspress. I thought it important enough to post for you.

Dear Editor:

In response to Lane Fillers letter to the editor entitled “Facebook isn’t looking out for your children” (June 9, 2012) you are wrong when you said, “children are not stupid”. They are generally ignorant about the ways of the world and lack experienced but they most certainly are not stupid…they are very smart. And it isn’t Facebook’s job to look about for your children, it’s ours.

I do  totally agree with his directive to parents to keep kids away from the online social media sites. They are certainly not always a safe place for your children to hang out. However, when the pressure gets too much and you succumb to, “but everybody else has a page,” here are some pointers…

1. Supervise, supervise, supervise.
2. Let your child know you WILL be watching and reading.
3. Don’t let them use a really detailed photo or post photos of themselves in places that are easily identified. Explain why this is so important and if necessary, find stories on the web where this has led to problems.
4. Make your kids use Facebook in your presence and let them know you will remove their account if you find out otherwise.
5. Teach them the ‘forever’ aspect of social media websites and the web in general. Explain that close to a billion people have Facebook accounts alone and that Facebook, and other social media sites, are where people go to not just check up on you but look for victims for all types of crimes. It’s a balancing act between not wanting to scare them while impressing upon them the potential for danger.
6. Teach them appropriate participation in social media sites: no swearing, no embarrassing photos of friends, family or others or photos of themselves that may embarrass you.
7. Under no circumstances assume they are following your rules. Refer back to pointer #1.

Parents…here’s the thing…your #1 job is to grow/raise adults who are not just still alive and safe, but adults who are fully responsible for themselves. This is not our government’s job, the school’s responsibility, Facebook or anyone else’s job for that matter…it’s yours.

Since technology has changed the way we do life (and not in a positive way in my opinion), you must be ever vigilant in your parenting duties: teach them how to communicate with others without technology, teach them (by showing and telling) what it takes to be a responsible, successful adult and then step out of the way and let them stumble. A few self-imposed battle scars they learn from will help shape their character and determine the type of human being they become.

While we’re at it, here are two more tips for your teens in regard to the Internet to help them professionally as they move toward adulthood:

1. Register the URL for their name so they can use it for posting their resume and or business later, i.e., if your son’s name is Bob Smith, register www.bobsmith.com. You may have to add a middle initial or do some variation if you wait too long but many people’s names are still available.  Make sure you register it for several years…at least until they can take it over themselves.
2. As soon as your son or daughter becomes good at something, shows a passion for something, gets an award, volunteers to help others, has their first job or successful business idea/venture, help them set up a page on www.LinkedIn.com. Headhunters and other professionals use this site daily to find highly qualified employees, potential business partners and clients.

Lastly, remember that it’s never too early or too late to start teaching them what it really takes to not just survive, but thrive in life but it’s usually easier to start earlier.