SHARING OUR STORIES

I have found that many people, including me, do indeed learn from other people’s mistakes. I have also learned that it’s completely OK to be transparent with the people who believe in me and support me in what I do in the world.

I have noticed that when I do share the mistakes I make, that I get tons of comments and personal emails from those of you who have made similar mistakes and learned the same lessons. It is my feeling that the more we see that we are alike, the more we are able to have compassion for others and the more we are able to make a difference in the world.

THE SET UP

About five weeks ago, my current renter gave notice that he was moving. His father, who lives in another country, had had a stroke and he needed to go see him.  Since he was about to spend three months traveling around world and moving anyway, I told him it was fine to move out early and we disregarded the standard 30 days notice thing.

He was grateful, I had helped…it was all good. He had been a super renter and I was saddened by his leaving but excited that he was off to go see the world and that he was such a wonderful son to his father!

At this point, I needed another renter. You see, I made a CHOICE seven years ago to live in a larger house by the ocean here in Santa Barbara and have roommates rather than live in a smaller place by myself. My programs are all about our choices and taking 100% responsibility for the ramifications, both good and not so good.

Up until four weeks ago, I was pretty happy with that choice.

Because I am in the throes of building this financial literacy business, I made another choice to rent out BOTH of my spare bedrooms in order to live leaner and more comfortably while the business grows. I blogged about this a few weeks back and many of you sent wonderful emails thanking me for being ‘a real person’. Thanks for that!

So, five weeks ago, both of the rooms were vacant and I needed to find a couple of renters. Not usually a tough thing to do because I am close to the beach, the community college, and downtown. I did the usual things…put ads on CraigsList, posted a sign in my windows, etc.

ENTER THE PROTAGONIST

I get a call from Charles. He sounds fine. He ‘says’ he’s an engineer putting his daughter through med school and just needs to live simpler and cheaper. He’s in his 50’s. I buy this story as he says he’s also gone through a divorce and I know divorce has taken a bite out of many a man’s retirement plans and accounts.

He comes over, we talk, he looks at the room, loves it and we sign a rental agreement March 1. He moves in on the 3rd. This is when ‘stuff’ starts to happen.

He told me he was quitting smoking (I know…I can hear you thinking). I tell him he needs to smoke completely off the premises. We catch him several times in the back yard and on my patio and later on, on the balcony of his room. This is the first sign that he lacks respect for others.

He is up at all hours, sleeps during the day, ‘works’ very weird hours, or not. I begin to do research on the internet on drug use. His behavior reeks of meth use and I realize, because of my ignorance in this area, that I could have known this by his facial features. Sometimes ignorance is NOT bliss!

He doesn’t do anything I ask in terms of household rules and just keeps saying he’s sorry. I have to ask him several times to not wear his shoes on the carpet before he finally understands what that means.

In a genial conversation, he shares that he’s recently broken up with a woman who drove him mad (blaming victim enters here). He tells me he’s not going to tell her where he’s living but, two days later, she is here for dinner – drunk, reeking of smoke, and spending the night. Not OK – that’s also in the rental agreement. (Are you beginning to see where this is going?)

Over the past four weeks, things have disappeared…most noticeably in the food department but also in the lotion department (don’t even ask). The excuse? “Oh, we buy the same brand.”

This has happened numerous times now and, as you can imagine, none of us trust him in the least. He is moving out today if it’s the last thing I do and he’s already been warned I will go to the police and file a report of his stealing, and/or suspected drug use, if he’s not out by 3:00 PM!

I have never, in my life, felt so uncomfortable in my own home and it has been the most disconcerting experience.

THE LESSON

I could start this sentence out with WE…but I won’t. One of the most poignant distinctions I learned in one of T.Harv Eker’s courses, was that when we use the word ‘we’ as in the universal ‘we’, we really need to be using the word ‘me’ or ‘I’.

So here comes the lesson…

‘I’ have learned over the past four weeks that ‘I’ am perfectly capable of making a very poor choice, and I can completely disregard my gut instincts, when money is a motivating factor.

There, I said it. I let this sick man rent my room, and disturb my otherwise peaceful, glorious home environment, because I wanted help with the rent. I didn’t get enough references. I didn’t stop to check in with myself. I didn’t do all of the usual things I would have otherwise done in this situation…a very important situation at that. Choosing the right person to live in my home, under my roof, with me, is critical and it requires my utmost attention to how I am feeling ‘inside’ about it.

EMOTIONAL FINANCIAL CHOICES ARE USUALLY NOT WISE FINANCIAL CHOICES

So today, as you are reading this post, check in with yourself and ask yourself these three questions:

1. Where have you made poor choices where money was involved and what was the emotion behind the choice?
2. What choice might have been more supportive for your own sanity, safety, health and of course, happiness?
3. And lastly, how could you have been more able to make that better choice?

I hope this experience of mine, and the lesson that came from it, has been helpful (if somewhat entertaining). I appreciate the ability to share my life with you in ways that may inspire and motivate you to make better financial choices for yourself.

Just something to think about…