I have the opportunity quite often to teach or talk to teens and one of the things I love talking to them about is the idea of designing their lives.

Now I know that sometimes things just happen that don’t seem to be part of our design at first, yet if you really look deeper at the things that happen in your life, you can see your part in it shining through.

But, somewhere, at some time, you made a decision that led to the event you didn’t mean to insert into “My Perfect Little Life” script.

To give you a few little tips on how to bring what IS happening back to the script you had in mind, I wanted to use a little gardening analogy I noticed recently.

 

 

 

 

 

In The Garden

So, as I’ve crafted my spring and summer garden areas in Santa Barbara in the small areas I have to work with, I recently noticed something different about my gardening approach.

The first thing I am doing differently is paying (interesting word:-) a lot more attention to the details of the garden. And I’m doing this with volition, in other words, I am consciously choosing to do it now.

In the past, I would plant things and then ‘pretend’ I was too busy to do what was really needed to maximize the return (interesting phrase) on what I planted. Not any more. I plant. I water. I check on the ‘kids’ each morning, noon and night and take the time purposefully to tend to their care (though I am still learning how to keep certain bugs off certain plants so THEY don’t enjoy my produce before I do!).

The second thing that I’ve noticed is my newly attained ability to THIN! I’ve always struggled with pulling out those cute little seedlings because, well, it just hurt to pull them out. It seemed that they worked so hard to get sprouted and then come up for me to enjoy. How could I pull half of them out and not feel their pain?

Yet what I know from growing up with huge gardens as a child is, that unless you constantly thin, the stronger seedlings don’t take root and grow to their full capacity, yielding (interesting word) ME much bigger, yummier lettuce, carrots or pak choi (like bok choi but different).

For whatever reason, it’s become easy for me to simply go out every morning, thin the ones that need thinning (and usually eating those little morsels) and then move on with my day.

Financial Thinning

So how does this idea of thinning seedlings in a garden relate to my talks with teens about designing lives and money? Simple.

When I look around at the most stressed people I know, they usually have chosen (planted) so many projects that they just can’t tend to them all well. They also can’t bear to thin any of them and that’s where the majority of the stress comes from.

Americans seem to suffer from the “Oh, no, I can’t stop doing THAT because THAT may be the one thing where I make it BIG.” Wrong! The thing that will make it through is the thing you tend to the most, with the greatest attention and care. The thing that you’ve put the most time into planning, researching and focusing on.

One of the beliefs at the core of our inability to say ‘no’ to more projects and ‘yes’ to the things we could possibly do well, let alone do great, is a belief that there is a scarcity of anything in life. We buy (mmhm, interesting word) into the idea that if WE don’t do it, someone else will (and they might) or if we don’t try all these things, we might miss the thing that will work (we won’t).

There isn’t a scarcity of opportunity in life…just a scarcity in the amount of focus time we invest (interesting word) in the project or couple of projects we decide to devote ourselves to.

We forget sometimes that we can’t do a great job on ALL of the projects that we want to choose and, if you’re like ME (a serial creative being), you can barely move through your day without coming up with at least one more great idea!

Tips to Thinning – Step One:

Make a list of all of your projects, all of your investments, all of your volunteer commitments, all of the things that demand your time that you don’t consider part of the life you want for yourself. (And it’s perfectly OK to learn to say NO to family members. Martyrdom is NEVER healthy!)

Tips to Thinning – Step Two:

1. Time to thin and this is how you do it. But first know that thinning can be emotionally painful at the beginning, but I give you my word, it gets easier – and sooner than you think, you’ll start looking forward to it and begin doing it on a regular basis.
2. Pull the projects/things/people/investments, etc. that are the weakest, poorest performers. The ones that appear to be crowding out others that you know are stronger.
3. Make sure you thin enough so that the things you leave in place are part of the life you want for yourself. Give them enough room to grow, flourish, evolve and do their thing.
4. Check yourself every time you notice you’re pulled by anything outside of yourself to say YES to one more thing that you didn’t choose.
5. Repeat Step One and Two on a regular basis.

How do you spell relief? THINNING!!!