It’s approaching that time of year when people often question the ‘reason for the season’ as it were. And for those of you with children, sometimes this questioning leads to much angst about having to do the season one way when you’d really rather do it a different way.

Though many people are completely comfortable, and even get excited, with buying and exchanging gifts with friends and family, an even larger percentage of adults are stressed and overwhelmed with the arbitrary rules and increasingly commercial aspects of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Years.

As with many things financial, we often do what we think we’re supposed to be doing without questioning the big WHY behind it all. We buy this and that and the other thing because, well, aren’t we all supposed to have those things? During the holidays, buying gifts is often one of those ‘supposed to do’ things that many of us just either don’t want to have to do or shouldn’t be doing because our financial situations call for a little tighter reign than usual.

What I’d like to suggest this holiday season, however, is that if your internal guidance system, aka, your gut, is speaking to you, perhaps it’s trying to tell you that something is amiss. Consider pausing to evaluate exactly what and why you’re doing what you’re doing this year. It might help you be able to CHOOSE to do it differently this year.

The downturn in our economy is giving people even more motivation to pause a bit before rushing off to the mall to buy gifts for others because, quite frankly, there just isn’t enough cash to buy those gifts this year.

So what do you do if your gut is screaming, “Don’t do it!” this year? Well, don’t do it! Choose something different. Create a new paradigm for yourself and your entire family.

OK, I hear you asking, “But how do I do that? The kids want presents, my in-laws buy us gifts when we ask them not to, the people at work insist on doing a gift exchange.” Well, you simply have to CHOOSE to be bigger than the issue and when you’re bigger than issue, quite often the issue takes care of itself.

Let’s look at some simple options:

Kids:

What if instead of buying presents, everyone gave the gift of service to an organization that helped others? What if everyone donated a household item, book or toy they no longer needed to a under-privileged child?

Relatives:

This is often the most challenging for people. If you’ve ever heard yourself utter the words, “I feel so guilty!” just know you’re not alone. The thing is though, no one can make you feel guilty without your permission. You might be very surprised to find out that many of your relatives would actually be overjoyed if they didn’t have to buy presents for others. It often simply takes one brave soul to speak his or her mind to quickly find out that others are feeling exactly the same pressure, overwhelm, financial stress and discomfort with the gift part of the holidays.

Employees and friends:

It’s best to set the stage for gift giving expectations (because that’s all it is) right up front. When you get a job, inquire as to the company’s gift policy. When you hire a new employee, explain there is no gifts exchanged during the holidays and bring up the subjects of gifts with friends long before it’s an emotionally charged issue, i.e., don’t bring it up three weeks before Christmas!

Bottom line:

Be upfront and honest with those around you. It’s OK to say you can’t afford to buy gifts. It’s fine to express your discomfort and guilt around getting a gift from someone who agreed on no gifts and then bought you one anyway. Empower yourself, this holiday and forever more, to speak the truth for yourself, do what’s best for your family’s financial situation and know that if all else, in a few weeks it will all be over.

Oh, and if you love the holidays, please enjoy them to your heart’s content and do your best to help others this year who are struggling and just may need to ask you to do it differently this year.

The ultimate gift you can give another is complete acceptance of them as the human being they are. If you’re going to give, give without expect anything in return. Giving with no expectation is the true reason for the season.