by Elisabeth Donati | Dec 8, 2010 | Media Attention, Uncategorized
This is one of those odd blog posts from me that may or may not have anything to do with money but you know how I am…I like to ask questions that invite you to think differently about your life and your choices, even if they make you uncomfortable.
Today’s blog has to do with a term I keep hearing people use: SLAMMED. And they use it in reference to how much they are responsible for doing in the next bit of time.
Like “I’m really slammed this week.” or, “I’m so slammed this month I can’t even think straight.”
Every time I hear someone say something like this more than once, I question why and how they got themselves into their situation because it doesn’t sound like a place where they WANT to be.
For those of you who have been reading my words for a while or taken any of my workshops, you know I’m big on words and our use of them. And I encourage the reframing of those words when the meaning puts us into a particular mindset that doesn’t work for us.
The idea that life is SLAMMED brings to mind the proverbial martyr who is constantly doing too many things or taking on too much responsibility in order to justify one’s purpose in life…a subject that is near and dear to my heart and soul.
We do NOT have a purpose!
I know that one little sentence will probably jar many of you out of a spot that has you sit comfortably complacent with the rest of the world because you believe you HAVE found your purpose. But let me say it in another way…
There is no ONE reason you’re here on the earth.
And here’s why I say these things…because we’re making it all up in order to justify the air we’re breathing today.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly OK to find something to help you be OK today, and tomorrow, and the next day. I just want you to consider this…
You may have a lifetime of purposes (plural) and because you are looking for “that one” or think you have already found it, you may be missing some of your most important purposes.
My continued experience with Theresa and what I’m learning about life and myself
For almost three months or so (I have completely lost track of time), I have been visiting and comforting an old lady (95) in the hospital and now in a skilled nursing facility. She is ready to die and daily asks me why she is still alive. I simply tell her it’s because she took such good care of herself when she was younger. She smiles at this but I can tell it’s just not that comforting when you are really ready to die.
I have found the most interesting thing, spending time almost daily with this woman. And by the way, she has stopped eating or taking her medication for the past week and the next step is, hopefully, hospice.
The interesting thing? I completely lose track of time and I don’t have a care in the world when I’m giving her my full attention.
The point is…when I’m with her I AM LIVING MY PURPOSE at that moment. There IS no other purpose greater than helping her smile at the beautiful red fish in the pond, or ponder the gorgeous orchids around the building or getting her to laugh at how ludicrous it is to complain about how much water there is coming out of the fountain (evidently it should ONLY be a dribble!).
Back To The Slammed Thing
So I guess what really hits me when I hear people tell me they are “slammed” is that they aren’t generally living any purpose; in other words, there is no attention being paid to what they are actually choosing to give their attention to during the state. At least that’s my personal experience with the people who have said this to me…I am watching them go here and go there, all in a stressed, overwhelmed sort of mode…and it just doesn’t look, or feel over here, pleasant at all.
Are Your Holidays Slammed?
My sense, also, by listening to many of the people closest to me, is that the holidays bring about this sense of being slammed because we try to cram even more ‘stuff’ into our already over-busy lives and then, bam, we’re not able to enjoy much of it, if any.
How To Unslam Your Life
1) Take a deep breath right now. Like right now!
2) Take another one.
3) For five minutes, let there be nothing that you have to do. Nothing. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. You don’t have to make any more money or spend less money. You don’t have to bake or shop or wrap or decorate or anything else for that matter.
4) Now, if you made it this far, get out a piece of paper and ask yourself this question…
What will I be happy having done this holiday season?
Notice I didn’t say to ask yourself what would other people be happy with what you did. I asked, What would YOU be happy having done this holiday season?
5) After you ask yourself that question, and you get a nice clear answer, do whatever you can to create that for yourself.
Pulling It All Together
Not sure if I can tie it all together this time. Today was just random thoughts and some raw emotion from spending time with Theresa as she goes through this next phase of her life…death.
If something I wrote was helpful to you, great. If it didn’t, thanks for you support as I go through this phase of my purpose…being with a special old lady as she passes from this plane to the next.
Just something to think about…
by Elisabeth Donati | Dec 2, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Uncategorized, What you can do
It’s not too late to change your holiday game plan.
Guest Blog By Jan K. Ruskin
The holidays, for most, are about spending time with family, making special connections, honoring friends and family with gifts and baked goods, and enjoying lots of beautiful music and great movies. I’ve always loved it all. This year, however, I anticipated the season with way more anxiety and stress than I care to admit as well a huge amount of self-imposed pressure to do it “right”.
Not wanting to disappoint anyone, most especially my family, I allowed the “spirit of giving” to chip away at my good cheer AND threaten my bank account.
The fact that I was already sleep-deprived and hadn’t looked at our budget in months almost had me wishing I could skip the holidays altogether. I say almost because, truthfully, I preferred to do them another way. I knew that, if this season was to be anywhere near wonderful, I had to deal head-on with the two most obvious causes of my stress and anxiety: Time and Money. I sat down and took an inventory ~ faced the reality of what I had to work with ~ and am now making choices that will have me enjoying the holidays instead of holding my breath, crossing my fingers, and getting through them.
If you, too, are looking at these next 30 days with some resistance, I encourage you to join me and “coach yourself” into the possibility of a more relaxed, present, fun, and authentic holiday season. As you’ll see, time and money have some interesting parallels.
Coaching yourself means putting YOU on your calendar NOW to look at where you are and what you’re wanting. It means holding yourself accountable to the choices you are making and noticing if they are working for you. The following exercises can be used alone or all together ~ but you have to DO THEM for them to work!
It’s Black and White
TIME is finite! You know how much you have. There is no guesswork. There are 24 hours in a day and you get to divide it up any way you choose. The fact that we always have more to do than there is time for is a made-up prospect. Take comfort in knowing it is what it is!
- Get out your “to do list”, estimate the amount of time each task will take, and map out your schedule. Some things will have to go. Let them. And don’t forget to add sleeping, eating, exercising, and some quiet time to your list! (If you’re really bold, you’ll schedule those first!)
MONEY is finite! You know how much you have. And you get to choose how you spend it. You might not like the amount you have but that doesn’t change how much you have to divide up. Take a deep breath, be brave, and get real with your money!
- Create a list of all the things you want to buy in the next 30 days, figure out how much you have to spend above and beyond your regular expenses, and see what you can cover. If you are not able to cover it all, you’ll have to make some choices. This is where you become the rigorous coach; would you rather live with the anxiety and stress of going into debt or the feeling of possibly disappointing others? Sometimes being honest with others gives them permission to do the same.
Your Beliefs Change Reality
TIME beliefs: “There’s not enough!” “It goes too fast.” “Time moves slowly when I’m doing something I don’t like.” “There’s no time for me.”
These are perceptions and projections. They are not true but, since so many of us have the same beliefs, they feel true. A minute takes a minute; it’s no faster, no slower.
MONEY beliefs: “There’s not enough!” “It disappears so fast.” “I deserve to have something new for the party.” “It’s okay to go into debt to make people happy.”
These are conditioned projections about money. They are not true but many of us have been living with them for a very long time so they feel true. A dollar is a dollar; that’s all.
- Write down some of your beliefs about Time and Money. What do you find yourself saying about them? Choose three that feel limiting and turn them around into something positive. For example: “There’s not enough” becomes “There’s plenty for all I need and want”. Start replacing your conditioned thoughts with your new ones and see what happens. (You might try them in a morning mantra.)
How You Choose
TIME choices: How do you decide what to spend your time on? How do you decide how much time to spend on your tasks? How do you keep time boundaries? When are your boundaries negotiable? How disciplined are you in keeping time?
MONEY choices: How do you decide what to spend your money on? How do you decide how much money to spend on things? When is your plan negotiable? When do you ignore your budget?
- Write down your answers to these questions or any others that may pop up. If you have a trusted friend, you can ask each other. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself! Questioning our beliefs opens us up to new ways of being.
Suspending Reality
Cheating TIME: Where and when do you try to squeeze out more time? When do you try to do more than one thing at a time? When are you rushed? Late? If you need more hours in the day, where do you get them? Who is impacted?
Cheating MONEY: When do you pretend that you have more than you do? Where do you justify spending beyond your means? In what situations do you spend money to avoid conflict? What rationales do you use when you overspend? Who is impacted?
- If you find yourself getting uncomfortable or wanting to stop this process, DON’T! Discomfort is always an indication that you’re getting into the territory of transformation. Stick with it. Remember, this is all about creating the holiday experience you really want!
Visualize Your Perfect Day
Finally, take a moment to close your eyes and look into the future. Choose one day that is important to you during the holidays. Picture the people you hope to be with, what you’re doing… the smells, the sounds, the tastes… and most importantly the FEELING you want to have. Let this be your best guide and intention for what you might be willing to change (or give up) in order to have the most enjoyable holiday you can.
A final note: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even if you do one thing differently this time around, you’re taking a step in the right direction… a step closer to the real you and the possibility of inviting in a little magic! Happy Holidays!
Jan K. Ruskin is a Life Coach and writer living in Santa Barbara with her husband and their three children. She has worked with Elisabeth at Creative Wealth Intl., LLC for several years and provides the most amazing support anyone could EVER ask.
by Elisabeth Donati | Nov 23, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Uncategorized, What you can do
Now that we have ATM machines that spit out money and credit cards that seem to magically buy anything we want, it’s important to give children a picture of what is happening behind the scenes so that they develop a healthy perspective on money.
Even though it might seem unnecessary, we suggest making an actual date with your kids to learn about the bank. Even though most people don’t do most of their investing with their bank, the bank IS usually the first step for anyone starting to save money.
Creating a “special event” alerts childrens’ brains to pay attention in a different way. With younger children, going to the bank with you may be interesting enough. With an older child (even a teen), make the bank your first stop to withdraw money to buy something you would buy anyway, like school supplies, groceries for the week, new shoes, etc. (This is also a good opportunity to talk about budgets and spending choices ~ for any age.)
On your way to the bank, explain what you know about banks and why we have them, what they offer, and the services you and your family take advantage of.
Once you arrive, point out the different areas of the bank (you might visit other branches of your bank if they differ), and talk about what you will be doing on this visit. If you’re making a deposit or a withdrawal, give your child a blank slip and let him fill it out for practice. Don’t hesitate to enlist the bank representatives to add more information if it doesn’t embarrass your child too much!
And, as always, if your child has questions that you can’t answer, look them up together when you get home. (Talking to your kids about money is one of the best ways to help raise money-savvy adults.)
For older teens getting ready to go off to college or move out on their own, insist on making an actual date with your bank representative to talk about fees, interest rates, etc. You’d be surprised at the questions teens ask bankers (we know…we did this in last summer’s Moving Out! for Teens program here in Santa Barbara).
There are a lot of little facts about banking that us adults don’t even know. When your banker tells you something that you didn’t know, own up
to it by saying something like, “Wow, I didn’t even know that!” This makes your kids feel good because they weren’t the only one.
After the initial bank date, see if you can come up with other financial/money topics you can talk to your child about each time you visit your bank or financial planner. Put it this way…you can NOT talk to your children about money often enough.
Now go out there and make yourself a bank date!
*Note: Whenever you use an ATM machine, remind your child that someone puts the money in there, just like filling up the vending machines or stocking the shelves at the grocery store.
by Elisabeth Donati | Nov 18, 2010 | Media Attention, Uncategorized
It’s hard to believe that next Thursday, a week from today, is Thanksgiving and that the holidays are ‘upon us’ as they say. Sometimes it really does feel like things are upon us in terms of keeping up with the to-do lists and a whole lot more. What if we could reframe how we go into the holidays so they were as enjoyable as possible for each of us?
I was thinking about this last night on my way home from spending 5 days in an adorable log cabin in upper Michigan (during deer season!) with a girlfriend. Then I started thinking about all of the people I have talked to over the years who, for one reason or another, don’t like having to get together with their families during the holidays. It’s usually due to some variation of, “my family is just nuts,” or, “My family drinks too much and then they fight,” or something else along this vein.
Perhaps today’s blog will help you be able to create a more meaningful experience this holiday season. Here are my thoughts.
- Spend some time thinking about the parts of YOU you like and I don’t mean your ankles or your hair. I mean the values and personality traits you bring to the world around you. Things like honesty, grace, smiling, being courteous, having integrity, hard working, going with the flow, etc.
- Once you’ve thought about it a bit, take a good old pen and piece of paper and write those things down.
- Now, ask yourself this questions, “How could I use the most valuable aspects of who I am to touch the most valuable parts of those I will be spending time with?”
What is YOUR best?
You see…this way you can focus on the GOOD things about you and the GOOD things about your family members instead of what you don’t like about them or why you don’t want to be with them.
I personally like many things about who I am turning out to be:-) and I have noticed that when I bring my best parts out into the world to play, the world plays back with me in splendid ways. It is often when we are being our best selves, regardless of the situation, that we get what we really want in life handed to us on a silver platter, so to speak.
A Short Diversion…My Airplane Story
Yesterday, I flew back from Michigan starting off in Green Bay, WI, through Chicago, through Los Angeles and finally, landing last night at O’Dark Hundred (aka 11:30 pm) in Santa Barbara. My girlfriend and I had a little ticket mishap and ended up sitting in two different places in the Chicago to LA flight. No biggy since we both planned on sleeping most of the way and I had a great book to read that I’ll tell you about soon.
The flight was packed…people moving this way and that, trying to be nice but you could tell people were stressed and tired. I went to sit down in seat 17D and the gal in the 17E said, “You probably don’t want to sit there. Someone spilled water on the seat so it’s all wet.” Hmm, OK. I tapped a flight attendant on her shoulder and told her of the situation and suggested I would be fine with a blanket to sit on. (At this point I could tell she was grateful I wasn’t mad and I was happy to do my part in getting the plane airborne. One of things I love about me is that I’m easy going when it comes to stuff like this:-).
Long story short, a mechanic was on his way for something else and he’d just grab another seat. I told her it was completely unnecessary but she insisted.
I stood in the aisle waiting for said seat…eventually being the only one standing. Have you ever been the only one standing in the aisle on a big flight? It’s interesting is all I have to say!
Well, during all the standing and waiting, someone pointed to a man in the emergency row of seats in front on mine and said, “He’s the guy who spilled the water.” Evidently someone had bumped his arm. I teased him a bit…even suggested that we switch seats (which he was willing to do) but assured him I was just fine where I was…and I was.
Finally, the mechanic came WITHOUT the seat and I smiled at the flight attendant who grabbed aforementioned blanket, folded it nicely and set it in my seat. I was happy to be sitting.
The flight was uneventful. I read a lot, listened to music and just wiled the hours away. About an hour before we landed, I heard the man who had spilled the water ask a flight attendant for a blanket because he was cold there by the window. She said she didn’t have one and suggested he get his coat but it was tucked away out of reach.
I smiled to myself, pulled the blanket out from under my biggest asset and tossed it to him gently. He turned around, smiled and gave me a huge thank you. All I could think of was how miraculous the Universe is in its ability to provide for us. After all, the man had offered sincerely to let me sit in his roomy emergency row seat and I had declined. I loved showing him that even though he thought he messed up, he really hadn’t. His best part came through and played with my best.
Back To Your Holiday Season
It’s really up to you how valuable you want to make your holiday family gatherings. Choosing how you want to SPEND the time you’re with your family is no different than choosing how to spend your money. If you do so consciously and with positive intentions, chances are the results are a heck of a lot more positive than if you do so unconsciously and without the best of intention in your choices.
So, have a great Thanksgiving next week. I’ll be sending you happy turkey (or tofu) thoughts and wishing for nothing better than your best showing up for whatever gathering you happen to be attending.
We only have so much time on this earth…spend it wisely.
by Elisabeth Donati | Nov 13, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Uncategorized
This week’s article was prompted by the following email I received last week.
Dear Elisabeth,
I love your emails, thank you! I’m a little confused about something, and it just might be something that you could address for others as well.
I hear and read that in order to quickly manifest what we want in our lives, the emotions and feelings related to what we want should be strong and intensified. The stronger the emotions and feelings, the stronger my vibration to attract it to me.
At the same time, I hear and read that if I want something “too much”, I’m in essence “holding too tight” which cuts off the source that can bring it to me; that the only way I can actually manifest anything is if I’m “OK” without getting the thing that I want! The idea seems to be that if I’m “attached” to it, it won’t happen.
I’m struggling with balancing this fine line…how to intensify the emotions and feelings in an effort to increase the vibration for manifestation, without wanting it soooo much that I’m no longer OK without it, thereby restricting the process of manifestation.
Hoping you can help me, and others, who may be struggling with the same ideas! Thanks so much for your time, expertise, and consideration!
Have a wonderful day, C
OK…so here goes.
Dear C,
Sometimes I think we make too much out of what we hear and read and we try to dissect it so deeply that it ceases becoming anything meaningful or of value. This may be one of those situations.
We all want to live the lives we want to live, so those of us who have come across this powerful information relative to manifesting these lives are drawn to anything and everything related to it. Sometimes, in the process of making heads or tails of it, our brain spins this way and that way because it can’t stack it all up neatly like our A, B, Cs. What do we do then?
I think one of the main things that stops what we want from coming into our lives is worrying about it, specifically, worrying about not having it. It’s always made a lot of sense to me that the main reason we don’t get what we want in life is because we spend more time thinking about “not” having it than we do “having” it.
Because our lives are very much a reflection of our thoughts, we get what we’re thinking of and that is the “not” having it piece.
I’m not sure if things come into our life because of some mystical vibration or simply because we stay focused on those things and do the necessary things to make those things real. There’s something called Reticular Activation that basically says that whatever you become focused on, you see more of.
I remember a great example of this…when I was pregnant with my son, Andrew, I saw pregnant women everywhere! I was focused on my pregnancy so that’s what I saw everywhere I looked.
Then, I became focused on financial literacy and how much people didn’t know about money, and there it was; tons of articles, news reports, books, people talking about money, etc. It was everywhere.
Now, I focus on making a difference and I find the opportunity to do so every where I look.
When you’re focused on success, you see success.
When you’re focused on problems, you see problems.
When you’re focused on seeing opportunities, you see opportunities.
When you’re focused on not getting it right, you don’t get it right.
Now for C’s question about the “wanting” part of the equation: Is it a problem wanting something too much?
My answer is no, unless this wanting is causing you pain or suffering. No, unless the wanting is keeping you not OK with where you currently are in life. No, unless you forget to live today and perpetually live for tomorrow. I think this is the key.
It is the worrying that messes up the vibration, so to speak. It messes with our focus on what we want Worrying messes with our ability to “think” about having what we want instead of not having it.
It has been my experience that there are several ways to categorize us humans: partly sunny vs. partly cloudy, positive vs. negative, optimistic vs. pessimistic, and my favorite, process vs. goal.
Personally, I find process type people are generally more content with life and where they are while still working on the goals they set for themselves.
Goal people tend to come in two main styles: focused on goals but happy today and focused on goals and never happy in the present. So is the latter an example of wanting it sooo much that you don’t “get it” (get it?) and that if we’re not happy today, it doesn’t matter what goal we reach in the future, it won’t make a difference for long? Maybe.
Now for those Five Steps to creating the life you want.
1) Figure out what you want. Sometimes this is the toughest part. HINT: You must sit still long enough to let it come to you. How long has it been since you’ve just sat with yourself?
2) Figure out what it will look like and feel like to have it. The more concrete and detailed you can make this the better. If you walk into the BMW dealer and say, “I want a new car.” the salesperson probably won’t really know what to show you.
3) Use the tools available to you to keep you focused on what it is you want. Affirmations, Affirmations, Dream/Vision Boards, Writing down your goals regularly (they will change and this is OK), and most importantly WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS. Download this single page from our Financial Freedom Playbook to keep track of your thoughts for awhile.
4) Associate and disassociate with the thing you want; i.e., see it “through” your own eyes as if you are seeing it already done AND see yourself in the future having what it is you want as if you’re watching yourself in your own life’s movie. This helps not only pave the way for an event you’ve already put into your future but keeps you focused on that future.
5) Then simply enjoy what comes. Need I say more?
All of this “stuff” about creating your life is easy to teach to your children, if you have them. If you don’t have any, find one. They are everywhere and they deserve to know these simple, life creation tools. Do a dream board together as a family activity. Read books about creating your lives together.
The bottom line is that we all have it in us to create the lives we wish. It is my experience that if we are not doing it, we either don’t know what we want, don’t know the tools to create the lives we want or, the life we’re living is serving us somehow. We’ll leave THAT idea for another time.
Enjoy…
by Elisabeth Donati | Nov 11, 2010 | Media Attention, Uncategorized
As you probably already have noticed, I don’t mind sharing with you when I’ve messed up things in my life. I’ve noticed that you enjoy knowing you’re not the only one who makes mistakes as it seems to bring us all a little closer to realizing we’re in this thing together.
Well, last weekend, we had a two-day Camp Millionaire here in Santa Barbara with a bunch of bright, fun-loving kids and teens and I messed up big time. And I know why. And even though I KNOW why, it certainly didn’t help me sleep any better the first couple of nights after the mess up.
PAINTING THE SCENARIO
You know the saying ‘The straw that broke the camels back’? Well, this was certainly the case in this situation.
I haven’t been at the top of my game physically for some time now. I have bursitis in my hip from sitting and am in pain quite a lot off and on. Well, add to that a chest cold which took my voice away for three days prior to a five-day train-the-trainer last week before the camp, and simple exhaustion from the length of the program and not sleeping well for a few weeks and it was a recipe for, well…losing it with a parent.
Here’s what happened…
We started our two day Camp Millionaire last Saturday with 18 kids, some of them wanting to be there, some of them not. Some of them ready to learn and have fun, some of them wishing they were anywhere else. And I have 6 brand new trainers who are eager to learn more, try their new teaching skills and watch how the program works with actual, real live children:-).
After a few hours, one of the moms walked in and talked to one of the new trainers who evidently suggested she needed to speak with me. About what I didn’t know. I stepped into the hall with her and asked her how I could help.
She said she was going to take her son home. I don’t remember if I asked her if he had called her before or after she said that there was a family situation that needed to be handled, but this is what I do know…
I reacted. And I reacted poorly to the news that one of the kids I worked so hard to get into our program was about to lose his chance to learn things I knew he would never learn anywhere else.
Why do I know this? Because there are many, many things I teach in Camp Millionaire and through The Money Game that aren’t taught in any financial education program anywhere. There are things I invite my participants to explore that most teachers would gasp at.
For example…I talk to the kids about rules and laws. I ask them what they are. Then I invite them to think about them this way, “Rules and laws are just someone else’s opinion of what my behavior needs to look like.” And then I invite them to ‘question everything’ and not take everything they see or hear as fact until it makes sense to them.
Why do I do this? Because this country needs to raise leaders and we’re doing a poor job of that in my mind.
Back to the backfire…
What I actually SAID to the mom was “your son is not going to learn this stuff in school.” But I didn’t use the word stuff.
What the mom got full force was my frustration at not being taught about money myself; my disgust at our country’s lack of making financial education more important than some of the other garbage our children are being forced to memorize and regurgitate that is far from relevant in their lives; my disappointment that her son was so close to getting some of the most critical information he would need to live financially successfully in life.
She got a piece of me that rarely shows its head – and I say rarely because my own rule for myself is to not be attached to who gets it and who doesn’t get it. Just show up, do my best, being my best, and let it go.
What happened next…
I knew immediately I had messed up…and I knew why. But once words are released into the world, it’s hard to take them back. I fretted about it all day.
As soon as I got home that afternoon, I sent off a heart-felt apology to her via email, doing my best to explain what had happened and that I was sorry I messed up and had no right to judge what was a viable reason to pull her son from the program. I got back a seething email from both her and her husband but, again, all I could do was apologize.
In the end, I know we’ll all get over it. It cost me two nights of sleep and much agony for several days but I slowly forgave myself…knowing that none of us is perfect, we all mess up, we learn from those mess ups… and recommitted to my nonattachment to the outcome.
So, to the mom, I send you the deepest apology possible.
To all of you, I promise to stay imperfect and humble and continue to learn from the times I am unable to give the world my best.
