Mentoring a Child Changes Lives Their Life, And Yours

by Elisabeth Donati | Apr 12, 2009 | Financial Literacy Articles for Parents, Uncategorized

Want to Make a Difference This Summer? Mentor a Child

Think back. Depending on your age, way back. Was there someone in your life that took you under their wing, taught you a think or two, made an impression on you that you’ll never forget? That person was a mentor to you; in whatever area of your life you needed at the time.

Why not return the favor? Kids these days are starving for attention, guidance, leadership, role-models, instruction and acceptance in almost all areas of their lives: family, relationships, job/career skills, money, music, sports, communication. You name it and there’s more than likely a handful of young adults in your vicinity who could benefit from a little bit of your focused time and energy.

WHY MENTOR – Mentor’s perspective

Because it makes a difference. Because YOU make a difference. I remember a teacher named Pat Ingram who I took a course from in college called The Aesthetics of Human Movement. Our first invitation was to introduce ourselves with only our first name and something unique about us so as to give our classmates a glimpse into who we were as well as let her know who was in the room. I remember describing myself as “I am Elisabeth and I will never know what I want to do when I grow up.” Our first assignment was to go hug a tree and then turn in an assignment about the experience. We asked her in what form was the assignment to be done. She said, “You decide. It’s your assignment.” So I wrote a poem.

What did I learn from Ms. Ingram? That our uniqueness was precious and that there was no one way to do anything. At 19, this mentor changed my entire view of the world and I’m eternally grateful. Between having a Mom who said I could do anything and this lady who showed me that every way was A way, I have thrived.

Mentor because you have information to share. Mentor because you have a philosophy that can set a child up for success. Mentor because it will remind you what’s important in life. Mentor because there’s a child who needs you. Mentor because it will simply make you feel great!

WHY MENTOR – Child’s Perspective

• Improves their self-confidence
• Improves their attitude
• Increases their interest in staying in school
• Gives them an interest they may not have realized they had
• Shows them what they DO and DO NOT want to do in life
• Improves their ability to relate to others (peers and family)
• Decreases the likelihood of getting into drug or alcohol use or delinquent behavior
• Teaches them distinct skills they can use for the rest of their lives which in turn, increases their self-esteem and confidence
• Can help them learn to be a team player

Will You Make A Good Mentor?

Good mentors possess the following qualities:

• Able to make a time commitment. If you think you’re too busy now, find a child to mentor. For some reason you will find yourself working much more efficiently so that you can give the needed time to the child!
• Ability to be patient. Mentors often want the child they work and play with to change dramatically overnight. Give them time and don’t be attached to a particular ‘result’ from your spending time with the child. Let them absorb, experience, reflect. Ask lots of questions; just spend the time and enjoy the process. Get your ego out of the way. There is no right result from mentoring. There is only spending time and sharing.
• Good listener
• Tolerant, non-judgmental
• Reliable and consistent
• Have good communication skills
• Have a great sense of humor and are able to be a kid yourself (this really helps)
• Last, but not least, you MUST like kids:-)!

Finding a Child to Mentor

There are so many kids out in the world who need our help, it’s easy to find them. Here’s a couple of suggestions.

• Ask a friend, family member or co-worker if they know of a family with a child who could use a mentor.
• Call your local junior high or high school and talk to the principal or counselor.
• Contact your local boys and girls clubs, and other children’s organizations
• Research and contact specific mentoring programs in your areas (Big Brothers/Big Sisters)

How To Proceed Once You’ve Found a Child to Mentor

How you proceed depends on whether you’re doing the mentoring yourself or doing it through an organization. If through an organization, they will have very specific rules and regulations that you must follow in order to qualify to be a mentor. This can be both a good thing and a restrictive thing. Depends on you and your personal goals in terms of mentoring.

If you are doing this on your own, here are some guidelines and ideas for working with your mentoree:

• Spend time at first just getting to know the child. Ask lots of questions, let the child get comfortable with you and share as he or she wishes. Let them do the majority of the talking. If you get a child that is quiet, let that be OK.
• Ask the child what he or she would like to get out of the relationship. You may even want to write it down and sign an agreement so that you are both clear about your commitments to each other and your intentions with the relationship.
• Let the child know the types of things, skills, etc. that you can share with him or her. You may want to make it OK to explore areas that you aren’t familiar with together. Kids love to learn things with adults; it makes them feel like it’s OK to not know everything. (Yes, it’s OK to not know everything!)
• Set an intention at the beginning of each meeting. What do you both want to get out of it? Evaluate the result at the end of the meeting.
• Spend enough time each week to make a difference. 30 minutes here and there probably won’t do it. Two to three hours (or more depending on your situation) is probably a reasonable goal.
• Don’t look to your mentoree to be a free employee for your business. This is not their role though having them learn what goes on in your business can be a great intention if that’s what THEY want.
• Make the time you spend with them and the information you share with them confidential and tell them so at the beginning. And then stick to it. The child must be able to trust you and feel comfortable sharing with you. If you want to share a funny story they tell or a joke or experience, ask them before sharing with others. And if they say No, respect their request.
• Encourage the child to make mistakes. This way they learn that there is so such thing as perfect and that it is a perfectly acceptable way of learning. Talk about successful people (Alexander Graham Bell comes to mind) who made mistakes only to eventually change the world because they were persistent.
• And lastly, remember that the best way to mentor another is to set an example of what you most want them to learn. This will lead to the biggest and most profound results in your mentoring relationships with others (regardless of age!).

For more information about about being a mentor or mentoring organizations or opportunties in your area, just hop on the internet and type ‘mentoring’ into Google.

Remember that you may never know how you changed the child’s life but they will never forget it.

Teaching Our Children the Power of Gratitude

by Elisabeth Donati | Mar 5, 2009 | Financial Literacy Articles for Parents, Uncategorized

We often accuse our children (and partners) of taking things, or us, for granted. A positive way to look at this is to recognize that the children and partners feel comfortable and secure in us being there. The negative to this can sometimes lead to wishing they were a bit more grateful for us, and for everything else, in their lives. The question is, How DO you teach, or inspire, the power of gratitude in your children. Well, here’s some ideas:

1. Set the Right Example.

Hopefully, we all have learned that the “Do what I say, not what I do.” method of parenting doesn’t work very well for teaching most things to our children. That being said, it’s critical, just as with teaching them about money, that you set the best example possible for your children. Remember that they learn three ways; by what they see you do, what they hear you say and by the experiences you expose them to. Let them watch YOU be grateful, hear YOU speak words of gratitude on a regular basis and put them in situations where they can experience being grateful for things.

2. Great a Gratitude Journal.

Buy yourself and each one of your children a special journal, or make them with paper and notebooks they can decorate themselves, and make it your Gratitude Journal. Each day create a family morning ritual of writing down at least one thing each of you is grateful for that day. You’ll be surprised at what you come up with after awhile. One day you may find that you’re eating something salty and feel grateful for your taste buds!

3. Focus on what you HAVE instead of on what you DON’T have.

In this day and age of want, want, want, toy, toy, toy, it’s often hard for kids to realize just how well they have it. Heck, the way many adults talk, they don’t even realize it themselves.

Even if you’re in a family that doesn’t make a lot of money, you can find so many ways you have it so much better than the majority of human beings on earth. And if you don’t think so, try doing a simple search on Google. Look up “human suffering” and see what comes up. Sometimes seeing how badly others have it makes kids, and adults, realize how well off they are.

4. Do the Gratitude Dance (cute little YouTube video I found for you)

Believe it not, sometimes just taking a few minutes to move your body to music or a little stretching will move you from a place of negativity to a positive place of gratitude and happiness. Try it, it certainly can’t hurt! I’m dancing to music right now as I’m writing this for you and it feels so good!

So, what are YOU grateful for at this minute? Just something to think about.

Make Learning About Money Your Child’s Idea

by Elisabeth Donati | Feb 12, 2009 | Financial Literacy Articles for Parents, Uncategorized

If I get one question consistently, it’s this one, “What’s the best way to teach my kids about money?” I have a simple answer…Do whatever you can to make it their idea. I call this using “Teachable Moments” to introduce financial education, or anything else for that matter, to your kids.

Here is a section from The Ultimate Allowance to help you with those teachable moments.

As adults and parents, most of us realize that, in life, there are teachable moments when we are open and receptive to relevant information, and there are moments when it doesn’t matter who is attempting to teach us, we are simply not willing, or able, to take in the information.

Children are no different. You probably know that sometimes it’s just flat out impossible to get your kids to learn something (or even listen) as long as you are the one who is doing the teaching. But have a friend introduce an idea or concept to them and they are open and receptive to the information.

For any information, it’s critical that you introduce it at the best possible moment. First, find a time when it makes sense to bring up the subject of money. Right after they’ve had a fight with a friend or lost a valuable toy or broken a vase is not that time!

I’ve heard it said that people don’t change until the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same. Watch for a time when your child has had, or is about to have, an experience involving money. It can be either a positive or negative experience; you never can tell when a child will be receptive to new information.

When you’re deciding on the perfect time to teach your children about any aspect of money, wealth creation or any other life skill, here are two questions to ask yourself first:

• Is what I want to talk about with my child relevant to the current situation?
• Will the information I’m about to present provide a solution to a problem or situation my child is experiencing?

If the answer to these questions is Yes, then you probably have a teachable moment on your hands.

Once you think you have a teachable moment, the second step is to enroll the child in the information you want to give him. Before you start talking to him, ask him about the subject matter instead.

It’s important to make what you’re about to say relevant to your kids in some way. If it isn’t, they won’t listen. I’ve found it best to use another one of the powerful techniques we use in all of our programs called Enrolling Questions. Enrolling Questions help us engage and enroll people of all ages in the learning process.

As the name implies, this technique involves figuring out how to enroll the child in what you’re about to teach him, i.e. get him excited, engaged, listening and wanting more. It’s critical when you’re working with a group of kids to enroll 100% of them. Sometimes you have to ask several enrolling questions to get 100% but, in the end, it’s worth the effort.

Enrolling questions about money look something like this:

• How would you like to learn a way to make sure you always have money for things like that (meaning something they want you to purchase for them)?

• How would you like to make sure you always have plenty of money for the things you want and need?

• How powerful would it feel to be in charge of your own money instead of me controlling it?

• Picture this…what if I told you that I have an idea that will make it so you never have to ask me for money again?

• How would you like to learn how to take care of your own money now so this never happens again?

• How would you like to grow up and work because you want to, not because you have to?

• I see you like to help people. What if I could show you a way to have enough money to help anyone you wanted?
• How would it feel if…(fill in the blank with any kind of situation or scenario you’d like to paint for the child that you know she might want or enjoy).

• What would happen if…

• How would you like to…

• Imagine what would happen if…

• Imagine what it would be like if you could always…

You get the idea. An enrolling question gives just enough information to make the other party interested in what you’re about to say, but doesn’t give away the punch line (the subject matter). Remember, sometimes you have to ask several enrolling questions to get a person’s interest at any given time. (Psst. This technique works great in our adult relationships as well!)

Since you know your child’s interests, passions and hot buttons better than anyone else, it should be fairly easy to come up with a few enrolling questions that will get his attention and get him to ask, “How could I do that?” or “What do you mean?” or “Can you tell me more?” Any probing question on his part means he wants more information and you’ve hooked him.

Now that you have a teachable moment, and you have ’em hooked, it’s time to share your information. But do it in small doses; don’t try to teach them everything at once just because they’re interested and you finally have their attention. All in due time, as my mom used to say.

6 Tips to Raising a Millionaire

by Elisabeth Donati | Jan 12, 2009 | Financial Literacy Articles for Parents, Uncategorized

If you’ve read many of my articles to date, you know how passionate I am about our involvement in our own children’s financial education. You also know I feel about making sure your children are involved in all aspects of the family finances.

To give you some ideas on how exactly to do this, I’ve compiled a list of activities for you to do with your child. These activities will give your kids a good idea of what is involved in running a household and what it takes to be on the right track financially.

Remember, there is no cut and dry answer in terms of how to prepare your child for financial independence. Each child is different, learns different, will filter information and experiences through their previous experiences and so forth. But if you bring your children into your family’s financial life at an early age, they will embrace it just as easily as they embrace brushing their teeth every day (OK, so some will and some won’t but it’s rare adult who doesn’t brush their teeth at least once a day:-).

1. Create your family’s monthly or yearly budget with your child(ren).

Let them see how much money it takes to pay the mortgage or rent, buy the food, pay for their education, buy the dog food, etc. Kids rarely have any idea of how much it actually costs just to buy the basics these days.

In our Camp Millionaire program, the campers are sent home one afternoon with a piece of wealth work we call, “What it costs to raise me.” This sheet lists all the basic costs associated with raising a child and parents help the kids fill in the blanks. The most common remark we get from kids is that they had no idea how ‘spoiled’ they were! Parents often tell us in person how valuable that exercise is.

If you’d like to go over this with your kids, just click here to download a copy of this sheet. You’ll be glad you did.

2. Take your child(ren) to see the family’s financial advisor, CPA or accountant, lawyers, insurance agents, etc.

Children need to understand the concept of developing a qualified team of experts to advise you. In case you haven’t noticed, life in America at least, has gotten quite legal heavy. There seems to be laws for everything these days and if you want to stay above the fold on what is best for your financial situation, you really need to have a team in place.

If you don’t have a team built yet, that’s OK. There’s no time like the present, as they say. Bring your kids in on the development of the team as well.

3. Teach you child(ren) how to make all types of lists.

Grocery lists, want lists, to-do lists, etc. One of the most overwhelming aspects of adult life seems to be the perpetual ‘to do’ lists in our heads. As you learn how to develop a ‘to do’ list system that works for you, teach it to your children. This way all that ‘stuff’ is out of your head and on paper where you can access it easily while letting go of the need to remember it.

The best system I have found for me is as follows. I create a Master Week List on a white or yellow legal pad on Sunday night or Monday morning (evening is best). Then, each evening that week, I look at the master list and decide on my daily list. I find this system really works because it allows me to prioritize each day. The best part is that I’m not constantly looking at the LARGE list and therefore, not getting too overwhelmed.

4. Turn learning about assets into a wonderful family activity.

There is so much information on the internet that exploring the world of the stock market, real estate and building online and offline businesses is fun and exciting. Just pick a topic each week or month, do a search on Google or your favorite search engine and start reading. Remember not to take everything at face value, however; another great thing to teach your kids.

5. Invite successful people to your home for coffee or a meal and let your child(ren) sit in on the conversation.

Let your guest in on the reason you’re having him or her over. Letting the child get to interact and observe successful people is a great way for them to understand what type of people are wealthy and which ones aren’t. After a meeting, sit down with your child and ask them what they noticed and after having met with many people over the course of a year or two, you and your child will no doubt have begun to notice patterns of behavior, choices, attitudes, etc. that common among highly effective and successful people.

6. Pay your child(ren) to read success, wealth building and business books.

OK, this one may shock you so hang on to your seat. As many of you know, there are a lot of great financial and business books available now, some are even targeted toward children (including the one I’m writing right now). I highly recommend that you get yourself a library of them and do whatever you can to entice your teens to read these books, including PAYING THEM! Think of it this way. They can sit in front of the computer or TV or Ipod or whatever other electronic device is the distracter de jour or they can be filling their minds with information that will motivate them from the inside. The information in these books will change their lives and give them direction for creating their own successful life. Why not make that their first paid position? It may well be your best parenting investment yet.