by Elisabeth Donati | Oct 7, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Latest News, Uncategorized
As is often the case, as we get older, the things that we do begin to blur together into bigger questions about why we’re on the planet, how we can best use our time and how we wake each morning and make the most of our day.
Today’s words share what I’ve been up to for a week and a half, beginning on a Sunday around 4 pm when my girlfriend, Marilyn, and I went to visit Theresa, age 95, who I hadn’t seen for months.
Money Lessons from Older People
SHORT STORY TO BRING YOU UP TO SPEED
I began my long friendship with Theresa when I worked at a local fitness club. She was in her 80’s then but I was inspired by her continual activity level and one day, out of the blue, asked if she’d like to meet me at the beach for a walk.
She was surprised and shocked that the ‘Fitness Director’ wanted to walk with HER but she didn’t understand…I was the one who was honored!
We walked often after that and then my husband at the time and I began to visit her every Sunday. I was intrigued and fascinated by her stories of war-torn Germany and her resiliency throughout.
Our walks weren’t always easy, however. She was very hard…very German, very negative about how things were in the world, especially in America. I often wanted to suggest she go back to Germany if she didn’t like it here. But, I knew our visits gave her something to look forward to and she enjoyed our company so we continued to walk every Sunday.
WHAT CHANGED
Then, when I went through a divorce (about 9 years ago), I just couldn’t handle the negativity of her being. I’d go to visit in a good mood and leave terribly upset and depressed. In my vulnerability, I seemed to absorb her words and attitude. As I know now, everything IS energy and things DO affect us, especially if we’re not strong enough to maintain our boundaries.
My ex-husband, John, continued seeing her for awhile but, eventually, Theresa’s grandson made her uncomfortable with visitors and John stopped seeing her as well.
Time went on…
Oh, the grandson? That’s where this story starts being about money.
When I first started seeing Theresa, her 52-year-old daughter, Gerda, who had had multiple aneurisms, had managed to dig up the son she gave away for adoption several decades prior. When Gerda passed away at 55, the grandson stepped into the picture…to wait for his inheritance…and wait he has done.
WHEN THE UNIVERSE SPEAKS
Early this summer, Theresa re-entered my mind and my heart heavily. So much so that I stopped by to check on her one day. What I found was exactly what I was afraid of finding…a lonely 95-year-old woman whose grandson had never stepped in as one who really cares. Oh, she had called him but he never answered his cell. Here’s the trip: HE LIVED RIGHT BEHIND HER!!
That afternoon, I spent quite a bit of time with her. She was overjoyed to see me (didn’t even ask why I stopped coming around thankfully…at 95 I guess you don’t care about those things) and I promised to come see her after I got back from Oregon.
LAST SUNDAY’S SHOCK
Well, as is often the case for me, coming back from vacation and getting re-situated into life can take a few days. It took me almost two weeks to get back to see Theresa. When my girlfriend, Marilyn, and I went to see her around 4 pm a week and a half ago but her front door was closed, I knew something was wrong. She NEVER closes her front door if the weather is nice. “The kitty likes the fresh air.”
We drove away for an errand but my heart was sick. At the store I called her number. She answered, obviously weak and sick. My breath caught and I told her I was coming back and to please answer the door.
When we went back to the house, I had to call her again to open the door. When she finally did, oh my goodness, what we found. She had a huge wound on her lower leg and needed to go to the hospital immediately. I believe she would have died within a few days from the systemic infection that was starting to move through her body.
WHERE WAS THE GRANDSON?
He was waiting for the money. She knows it. A great-granddaughter drops food off occasionally but that’s about it. No one takes care of the yard or visits her at all.
WHERE ARE WE NOW?
I have been working in two visits to the hospital each day. Why? Because I must. Because when she sees me she smiles. Because the grandson isn’t. It took him 3 days just to realize she was in the hospital and I didn’t call on purpose because I wanted social services to see for themselves…and they are.
THE MONEY LESSONS
Theresa’s expressed a lot of feelings and thoughts over the past many days and I wanted to just share what has been coming up for me about what she has shared. Not that what you’re about to read is new…just reminders for us all.
1) Money doesn’t make you happy. She has been lonely for a very long time with few, if any, friends who visit. Daily she tells me she just wants to go to sleep and die.
LESSON: Invest in friendships as much or more than you invest in financial assets. Friends feed you when you’re hungry, not money.
2) Blood relationships don’t equal love and care. Theresa would really love it if the grandson (in his 40’s) would take better care of her, tend the property that he lives on for free, and show some appreciation of what he is about to inherit.
LESSON: Money, or the anticipation of it, doesn’t buy you love. Only true friendships bring you love.
3) Always listen to your intuition. For whatever reason, my gut knew I needed to go back and tend to her. I’m grateful beyond belief to have this time with her.
LESSON: We often second guess our intuitive thoughts and feelings. We do this in every aspect of our lives…and we do it too often with money. If an investment feels wrong…don’t do it. And if someone close to you has a gut feeling about something you’re about to get yourself into, take the time to listen.
I think the biggest challenge for me this past week and a half is my realization of how our culture doesn’t seem to appreciate and value the older, wiser versions of ourselves. Theresa moved from the hospital to a skilled nursing facility on Monday and I am overwhelmed by the many individuals who need some tender touch and conversation. I walk by their doors and ache to spend a few minutes with each one.
WEALTH WORK:
The next time you’re feeling lonely or down or depressed? Just go visit a few older people and see what happens. Gather your own lessons to share and know you’re doing a really wonderful, purposeful thing. And on that day, visiting those people IS your purpose.
Just something else to think about…
by Elisabeth Donati | Oct 4, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Latest News, Uncategorized
You know how sometimes someone writes something in such simple language that you just have to share it with the people you care about? Well, that’s how I feel this morning about my daily Note From The Universe. Here is is for you to enjoy. And if you’d like to get them sent to your email box each day, just click here to visit their website.
START….
Simply put, the reason there are things you want that have not yet appeared in your life,
is because you’re just not used to thinking of yourself with them.Sorry, kind of wish it
was more complicated.
Just keep practicing.Happy Monday –
| It’s the same for things you have, that you don’t want, but in reverse. |
by Elisabeth Donati | Oct 2, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Latest News, Uncategorized
Every fall, it seems that droves of youngsters are sent out on the street to peddle chocolate bars, magazines or coffee subscriptions to raise money for their schools.
Kids usually despise having to sell piddlyjunk* but as a parent or business owner, you can quickly and easily turn those anxiety-filled sales experiences into valuable entrepreneur lessons. See how I transformed a petrified 11-year old into a smiling revenue-producing chocolate-peddling young entrepreneur.
Setting the Scene
Yesterday, when I stopped at the bank, I spied a typical fund-raising scene…little table, big box of chocolate bars, mother giving moral support and the daughter (aka sales person) behind the table wishing they were anywhere else but there.
As I walked out of the bank, I realized I could help. I stopped and, while mom watched on, provided unsolicited, yet welcomed, coaching to a sweet, blonde-haired, blue-eyed eleven-year old girl named Sydney. She was from a local school and was raising money by selling big chocolate bars to unsuspecting adults who hate saying no to children but don’t really WANT to buy a candy bar.
I looked at her as if to say, “So, are you going to ask me or what?” I finally said it out loud which I think shocked her a bit! I asked her what she was raising money for and she mumbled THREE TIMES the name of her school. Her mother finally had to clarify.
I sighed, “Oh, my dear…you’re never going to sell much this way. Would you mind if I butt in and show you a few things about selling stuff?” I have always found it helpful to admit you’re butting in.
She shrugged her shoulders as if to say, ‘I’m really shy and don’t know what to say’ so I started in on a bit of subtle sales coaching.
After introducing myself to her, and learning that her name was Sydney and where she went to school, the first thing I shared with her was the importance of enrolling her prospects in what she was doing. I suggested she ask each person a question to gauge their interest. She WAS asking, “Would you like to buy some chocolate?” Yuk.
We settled on, “Do you like to do things that help kids?” Not many adults can say no to that!
Then, if they said, “Yes,” she’d say something like, “Great. I’m raising money so the kids in our school can still experience music and art every week.” Again, not many adults disagree that these skills often give kids an edge in life.
Sydney smiled and I could tell she was eating it up. I asked if I could coach her a little more? She happily agreed this time.
The First Impression Lesson
She was standing very shy-like up until now…her hands behind her back, head down, shoulders slumped…a very protected, scared sort of stance. I told that people make an instant judgment about whether they want to talk to her by the way she was holding her body.
I suggested that she put her hands at her sides, plant her feet shoulder-width apart, pull up her head and chest and OWN that little money making stand! She loved it. She stood right up there and took command as soon as I instructed her how.
I then told her I was going to go to my car and we were going to role-play the whole scenario. She was eager. She asked me if I liked to help kids. I said, ‘Yes.” She told me what she was raising money for. I asked, “So what are my options?” I choose the chocolate bar with almonds and I gave her a five dollar bill.
The Counting Money Back Lesson
This is the where the next lesson happened. She hadn’t a clue how to count the three dollars in change back to me. Her mother helped from the other side of her little stand and we taught that little girl how to count the money back…even to the point of making sure the faces on the money were all pointed in the same direction. She glowed.
Upselling 101
Then came the final lesson. I said, “OK, now I’m going to show you how to do your best to sell TWO bars to each person. Want to learn how?” Her eyes and head nodded YES quicker than a shooting star.
I instructed, “What you do is this…when someone hands you their change AND they’ve given you enough for TWO bars, ask this question: “Who else do you know that would love a yummy bar of chocolate?” She just smiled at this little tip. I could see her brain starting to really get it.
Networking Opportunity Lesson (for YOU)
I then introduced myself to her mom, told them about my upcoming Camp Millionaire event for kids, gave them a card and asked them to visit our website so they could sign up.
I proceeded to get into my car and move on with my day, knowing full well that the ten minutes I had just spent with that young lady, and her mother, would have a profound effect on the rest of their lives.
If it’s one thing I know it that you can’t simply tell children (or their parents) how to do things. You have to catch them at a time that I call teachable moments…a time when they’re motivated and open to learning and growing. This little girl, and her mother, were both in that space.
Sydney had just learned how easy it could be to raise money for her school…something very important to her. Just imagine how much easier it will be if she ever needs to raise money for a gadget that could change the planet for the better.
Coaching Opportunities are Everywhere
Next time your children are asked to sell stuff to raise money for their school or some other project, use this opportunity to empower them with sales skills, communication skills, and financial skills and watch their self-esteem grow by leaps and bounds.
Word of caution for parents: PLEASE DON’T DO THEIR JOB. I see adults trying to ‘help’ their children all of the time by doing most of the work for them, and it’s not just homework. Well-meaning parents ‘help’ with projects, chores, and other responsibilities that the child is supposed to do. Kids don’t learn anything if you do it for them. Refrain from helping and instead, teach them each step of the way. Better yet, on the side, ask a friend who you know has the skills you want your child to learn, to just happen on by and give coaching as I did.
It may just be the most valuable lessons your children take with them through life.
p.s. What did I do with the candy bar? Well…I was on my way to have a birthday dinner with a girlfriend at a local steak house and I gave it to the waitress to share it with the staff. I knew my girlfriend didn’t want to be tempted by it either!
*Piddlyjunk: stuff that goes down in value, or has no value, once you buy it.
by Elisabeth Donati | Sep 30, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Financial Literacy Principles, Latest News, Uncategorized
A Little Activity History
Since I was a little girl, I have been active. Growing up on a farm with horses and gardens and lawns, a lake near by and a mysterious, murky pond within wondering distance, lent itself to never ending physical activity, exploration and play.
Then, in college, I found my way into Oregon State University’s entertaining weight room (hello…young men, tank tops, muscles?) and the pool and discovered my first passion…fitness and nutrition. I was enthralled with learning about foods, what exercise did to the body and how, what vitamins we needed to stay healthy, and began to form what I now recognize as my ‘purpose’ in life…empowering others to be responsible for themselves.
So even though you think that my focus is financial education and teaching people about money, my focus is always, first and foremost, inviting you to think differently about money AND life. I love providing you with tools that help you continue to take ownership of your entire life and how it shows up for you.
Though Pay Yourself First usually has to do with money, today’s article involves ALL of the ways we need to pay ourselves first. Not just in the realm of money, but health, exercise, time to think, and more. I hope you enjoy this invitation to think a little differently today.
Pay Yourself First with Time to Think
If there’s one thing I know it’s that we all think too much. The problem is that we often think too much about the wrong stuff. The reason for this is two fold:
1. We haven’t learned how to control our thinking, and,
2. We create lives that are so busy that we don’t take time to practice controlling our thinking.
And yes, I do mean we create busy lives. We all have the same 24 hours in our days. It’s a matter of making priorities about how we SPEND that time. I haven’t met a human being alive that can’t find 15 minutes in his or her day to stop and just think.
The thing is…unless you have learned that you can, and must, control your thoughts, that 15 minutes won’t be productive or enjoyable for you. One of the best and easiest books to read on the power of controlling your thoughts is “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. I read it years ago and it was great. It’s short and easy to digest.
Do yourself a favor and grab this book. Then go find make some time to read it so YOU can start taking time to think the right thoughts for you and YOUR life.
Pay Yourself First with Time to Eat Well
Let’s face it…if there is one believe, it’s that ‘we are what we eat.’ We’re also what we put on our skin, and what we breath, and what we drink. We can’t NOT be.
One of the situations that has always confused me is when parents are eating a great healthy salad but the kids are eating French fries. After all, they’re ‘just’ kids. What part of the fact that those kids grow into adults do some parents not understand. If you want to make a healthy adult, you have to feed the little adult healthy food. I mean, if you were growing tomatoes and feeding the plant poison, I promise you’d never get a single healthy tomato on that plant!
If you find yourself saying, “I don’t have time to eat well,” my suggestion to you is to ask yourself what part of you isn’t important enough to feed well? Do you not love yourself enough to feed that beautiful container you get to move about the planet in what it needs to be healthy?
Eating healthy isn’t rocket science and doesn’t take any more time that eating unhealthy food. And not knowing how to cook isn’t an excuse either. If I’m traveling and hungry, I can just as easily choose a piece of fruit, a container of yogurt, a roll and some carrots. And this is always less expensive than eating out.
So find a way to say thank you to your body by providing it with healthy nutritious food.
Pay Yourself First with Time to Move Your Body
As you already know, my first love is fitness. Anyone who knows me knows that before I do anything else, I take time in the morning to move my body. Sometimes that may only be 15 minutes of yoga, but I put my body through a routine of stretches that invites my brain to wake up and my joints to move. This frees up my creative juices as well and allows me to go into my day ready to receive whatever I’m attracting into it that day.
Our bodies aren’t meant to be stationary. This machine I’m typing on is one of humanities biggest double-edged swords. It has allowed us opportunities and information that was difficult at best before we invented the computer. On the other hand, it is changing the way we think and function with not only the world but each other.
Again, exercise isn’t rocket science. Stretch a little (buy a beginning yoga DVD), walk every day for half an hour, get an exercise ball to work those abs and back, do some pushups, etc. And you don’t have to go to the gym. Simply pay yourself some time every day to move your body and I promise it will pay you back in the long run.
Bottom line…move it or use it. The more active you are now, the more active you’ll be later.
Pay Yourself First with Time to Do Something Nice for Someone Else
After 52 years on this beautiful planet, another thing that I know is that when I do something nice for someone else just because I want to, it affects me as much as it affects the person I’m helping. And everyone who has ever attended my Train-the-Trainer workshop has always agreed.
You know that warm, yummy feeling you get when you do something nice for someone or make them feel great in some way? That’s your body telling you that you were just doing your purpose. And that warm, yummy feeling pays your body wonderful rewards in the form of stress reduction and happiness hormones.
So take a couple of minutes every morning and think about what you can do for someone else. Once you’re in the habit of doing for others, you’ll be amazed at how your world turns into a world where other people do things for you as well. Try it!
Pay Yourself First with Time to Love Someone
This might seem pretty obvious but it’s one of the hardest things for people to take time for. Again, our busy, busy, busy lives interfere most often with our most basic emotion, and need…love.
Loving someone doesn’t have to mean going out to dinner, taking them to a movie, making dinner for them, etc. Loving someone could be visiting someone in the hospital, reaching out a hand and rubbing a back for a few minutes, saying I love you, tucking a child in at night without your cell phone.
If love really is all there is, then if you’re not taking time for love in your life, you’re missing what is.
Pay yourself the opportunity to experience love today.
Pay Yourself First with Money for Your Older Self
This is the most obvious place to pay yourself first and the first place in your life where the practice can slip between your finger tips. We let all myriad of events and situations get in the way of providing for our older selves.
In our adult programs, we often do a visualization where we take people forward to talk to their older selves. It’s a profound experience for most people because they simply haven’t thought about it in the way we present it.
Pay Yourself First is the first lesson our campers learn when they play The Money Game and it’s reinforced with every round of the game. Over and over again, they get paid and pay themselves first. By the end of the game, they’ve got the idea!
There IS an older version of yourself waiting inside of YOU for you to do the right thing financially. If you don’t, that older person could be living a life of poverty, ill-health and unhappiness…all because you didn’t pay yourself first while you were young enough to do so.
If you’d like to listen to an audio of one of this visualization, click here.
OK, you’re on your own now to pay yourself in all sorts of yummy ways. I hope you enjoy it thoroughly.
Just something to think about…
COFFEE TIP I PROMISED YOU: How to get a .99 cent iced coffee!
Stop by one of those little convenience stores at a local gas station. Do the following:
1) Grab a plastic container they offer for the soda machine.
2) Fill it with whatever you want in your iced coffee: milk, specialty creamers (I LOVE the Irish Cream flavored ones:-), syrup if they have them.
3) Fill the container to the brim with ice from the soda machine (yes, to the brim…remember, you’re going to pour hot coffee over the ice).
4) Choose the type of coffee you want and just fill it with coffee instead of soda.
I did this last week at a gas station by the LAX and it was .99 and it was huge!
Enjoy!
by Elisabeth Donati | Sep 23, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Latest News, Uncategorized
Last week I started a multi-part exploration of a great book I just read called Switch. We talked about the idea of ‘looking for the bright spot‘, i.e., look for what is already working to find clues on how to cause change in our own lives as well as create global changes.
I asked you three questions so that you would ponder what has worked for you in terms of your finances. A few of you shared comments. Thanks for that. It seems that setting a powerful goal is a great way to inspire change in human beings:-). You can still go back and comment on last week’s blog if you haven’t already. It really helps others see that they aren’t alone.
Switch to what you should focus on
Today I want to talk about another aspect the book discusses…the Heath brothers call it shrinking the change. I want to relate this back to the powerful goal that I just mentioned.
Picture this…
There you are…laying on your death bed (I think we should rename that) and if you’re lucky enough to be cognizant, you’re ruminating back over a lifetime of experiences and relationships, evaluating how ‘well’ you lived your life, if your life was a success or any number of other evaluation methods human beings choose to use at the end of their days.
Have you ever wondered what ‘success’ really looks like? I mean, really…we see this word everywhere and yet the definition of success is nebulous to most people. It’s often (we think) tied to how much money we end up accumulating (NOT) or what position we rise to in our careers (NOT) or even how expensive our cars are or how big our houses are (DEFINITELY NOT). Then if it isn’t these things, what exactly IS success and how do we measure it?
A better question I have found is, “Do we need to measure it in the first place?”
Humanity seems all too focused on this strange judgment process of trying to figure out whether we did life right or wrong. And it seems to cost many human beings their happiness.
Shrinking the Definition (i.e., inspiring change)
What if we define success this way…
Success is a measure of how we live each moment. If we enjoyed the moment, we were successful. If we didn’t enjoy the moment, we weren’t.
Problem with THIS definition is that as humans, we’d then be focused with some illusive measure of ‘ultimate success’ by trying to figure out if we actually enjoyed more moments than not. And this is where we corrupt the entire process all over again.
You see, by looking back to the last moment and asking, Did I enjoy that moment? we have a way of altering what we’re doing so that we can enjoy more moments in the future, not so we can have a measurement at the end of our days.
By shrinking the definition of success, we then give ourselves a pure goal…perhaps the most pure goal of all…simply enjoying our gift of time here on earth.
Financial Success and Shrinking the Change
I mean your change as in your quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. What is we stopped focusing on Financial Freedom and instead focused on saving a quarter today, fifty cents tomorrow and maybe a dollar by the end of the week? Then we do it all over again.
By shrinking the goal, we’ve made the goal much easier to reach. By reaching smaller goals, we feel better about our ability to reach goals in the first place. Then we simply, over time, start setting bigger and bigger goals (if you want to) or, as is discussed in more financial books than I could list here, you become financially free because you got really good at saving a quarter here and a dollar there, and then investing it of course.
I don’t know about you, but this is so much easier for most people to handle. If you’ve ever been in a class (or taught said class) where the instructor led you through the terrifying exercise of determining how much money you’d need to ‘retire’ on if you were getting a certain amount of interest on that money, you know what I’m talking about. I’ve never seen so many human beings imitating the deer in the headlights stare before in my life.
It was in our first Money Camp for Grownups that I saw this look when Larry (bless his soul) walked our adults through this process. I took him aside after the workshop and made him process NEVER to do that to another human being. He agreed:-).
How will you shrink your goal(s) so that they are attainable and you look forward to reaching them, knowing that they are small enough to reach? All I want you to do right now is think about one goal you have…financial or otherwise.
Ask yourself if the goal is just too dang big. (We often let society dictate the size of our goal…stop doing that!) If the answer is yes, then shrink the goal so that the change that has to happen inside you is doable. Then figure out what you now need to do do to meet this smaller, bit-sized goal.
More next week. If you’re intrigued, go by the book!
Please leave your comments for others to see. Tell us how you will shrink a goal and how it will make changing easier for you.
As always, just something else to think about.
by Elisabeth Donati | Sep 17, 2010 | Financial Literacy, Latest News, Uncategorized
NOTE: This information is brought to you Nina Ericksen of Surepath. They are a true non-profit that specializes in helping people get out of debt THE RIGHT WAY. Links to their programs are below…
It’s important to know the difference between Debt Settlement and Debt Management. Please review the information below so you can make a well informed decision about your financial future.
Debt settlement is a process of negotiating with creditors to accept payment that is less than the full amount of the debt owed. Funds accumulate in a special account until enough has been saved to pay off one creditor, and then the process repeats until the debts have been repaid. Watch this Today Show investigation on Debt Settlement.
A Debt Management Plan vs. debt settlement helps consumers repay their debts in full within 36-60 months. A debt management program is usually arranged by a third party credit counseling agency that negotiates lower interest rates, reduced finance charges and affordable monthly payments.
So what’s the difference?
DEBT MANAGEMENT
- Negotiates with your creditors to reduce APR and finance fees.
- One monthly payment made to SurePath, funds are disbursed to your creditors.
- Stop collection calls.
- No penalty on FICO score.
- Receive financial education and an action plan.
- Helps rebuild credit payment history.
DEBIT SETTLEMENT
- Attempts to negotiate with your creditors to reduce the amount of debt owed. Some large creditors such as Chase, will not accept negotiations through a debt settlement company
- One monthly payment made to settlement company until they’ve collected enough to make
- Increased collection calls and chance of judgments and garnishments.
- Credit score can drop 45-160 points
In the last decade, the number of debt settlement companies nationwide increased from 10 to over 500. Check out this study from theFTC regarding debt settlement.
“Beware of the Sharks that are circling,” said Joy Thormodsgard, CEO and President of SurePath Financial Solutions (CCCS), a non-profit credit counseling service. “Not knowing the difference between a reputable credit counseling service, a debt settlement firm, or a foreclosure rescue scam can easily cost the consumer $1,000 or more in upfront fees, leaving them deeper in debt and a credit report that is gasping for air. If you can’t make a big enough dent in your debt yourself, look for a legitimate credit counseling agency.” She further adds that agencies which claim “to cut your debt in half, etc.,” make her think, “if it is too good to be true….it probably isn’t true”
Check with your local Better Business Bureau and state attorney general’s office to see if there have been any complaints lodged against the debt settlement or counseling agency. Reputable firms will have certified counselors and be affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling or accredited by the Council on Accreditation for Families & Children.
For more information, contact them:
SurePath Financial Solutions
Consumer Credit Counseling Service
80 North Wood Road Suite 200
Camarillo, CA 93010
Phone (805) 437-7530
